I have no idea what I’m doing.  A few months ago, I thought I had my life preplanned and figured out.  Now, one night of passion and I’m suddenly a father of twins. Who the hell knows where Becky went.  Her cell phone is cut off and she could be in New York or LA or fucking Siberia for all I know. Who does this?  Who just leaves their two kids on someone’s doorstep?

 

And why did she pick Diego and Antonio?  I mean, yeah they’re fine names, but they’re the equivalent of calling your children Anthony and James.  I would’ve pushed for something more unique, but here we are, I guess. These two little babies that want nothing to do more than sleep all day and keep me awake all night.  When it feels like it’s getting annoying or I can’t handle it, I look into their eyes and something stirs in the pit of my soul and it stops being a chore and just becomes…. Joy.

I didn’t know that they’d already have their own personalities so early.  Diego seems to be attracted to anything that’s red while Antonio seems to just stick with blue things.  Diego’s quiet and doesn’t fuss much, Antonio is just a chatterbox who is always wanting attention. So little, so young, and yet so very different already.  

 

I can already see myself in them, but I also see Becky.  They both have her green eyes. They have my skin tone, mostly.  I just hope neither of them have her mentality.  I’m gonna have to teach them to finish what they start, to always make the right decision, to always own up to their responsibilities no matter what.  

Fuck, it pisses me off she just dumped them and left.  How could she?! I hold them in my arms and it’s….it’s like I’m instantly addicted to them.  They coo and babble and I just melt. I feel their little heartbeats next to mine and I’m blown away by it all.  They’re so little. They’re so gentle. They’re so helpless. And they have me tied around their little fingers already.  

 

But it’s also really taxing, too.  Between work and training, the boys what what they want when they want it… I’m just all over the place and I’m definitely not getting enough sleep.  

 

After hiring a sitter, I went down to the Paw and sat at the bar.  I had a root beer float and started chatting with the bartender. Found out her name is Nina Caliente.  She’s a nice lady. She gave me another float on the house because she said that I looked tired. Then after her early shift, she talked with me outside.

“What those two boys need is a mother,” Nina said.  “What about their real mother?”

I just sighed heavily and she nodded.

 

“Some people just ain’t built for it,” she said.  “You look like you could handle it, though.”

 

“I’m trying, but I wasn’t ready for twins,” I said.  “One would’ve been hard enough to raise alone, but two?  They both want something at the same time, but one wants the bottle while the other wants attention and I try to do what I can, but I feel that I’m….. not enough.”

 Look, you’re going to be enough for those boys, you’ll see, sugar.  You’re never gonna feel like you’re enough. My mama taught me that. But, I can tell you that you will be. You will be their world, Sergio.  And they will love you for it forever…. Even if they seem to give you a hard time about it like me and my sister did to our mama. Boy, I could tell you some stories.”

I chuckled slightly, “Hey, you wanna see a picture?”

“Sure, sugar,” Nina said.

I took out my phone and showed her.  Suddenly there came this high-pitched squeal from her that I didn’t think any human could make.

 

“Well I’ll be golldanged, Sergio.  Those are some cute kids you got there?  What’s their names again?”

 

“That’s Diego,” I said.  “And that’s Antonio.” As I said those words, I could feel the smile on my lips pushing as far wide as it could go and still trying to spread further.

 

“I’ll give ya my number and if you need a night off or just want some help, you give me a call, sugar,” Nina said.  “Since my sister got up with Don Lothario, I’m just all kinds of trying to get out of that house. He’s kind of a pig.  Anyway, that’s none of your concern.”

 

“I… I can’t impose like that, Nina,” I said.

“Impose?” She said, “Well, I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t wanna.  Now you just take my number down and give me a call and I’ll come over and help ya if you need it.  Nina Caliente is on the case, sugar!”

 

She sure was in a hurry to meet the boys.  She called me the next day asking to see the kids.  I kept them in my room, so I showed her upstairs and the first thing she did was take Antonio and give him a bottle, then did the same for Diego.  She even changed dirty diapers. She was a red-headed angel helping me out. I guess from her own experience, she was familiar with the stress a single parent can have and just felt sorry for this poor guy who was in way over his head.

“Like I said, sugar, anytime!” Nina said.

 

As the days went on, she came over a few times to help out while I needed to train for the team or go to the store.  She didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, it was kind of nice having her around helping. I watched her with the boys and she seemed just like a natural.  And, I don’t know how or why I began to think about this, but I got the feeling like I should ask her out. There was just something about watching her with Diego and Antonio that became a real turn on for me.  Like if I had met her first, these’d be her kids and not, well, Becky’s.

 

I built up the courage to ask her out, but I balked a couple of times until she stopped me after feeding the kids and sat me down on the bed.

“Sergio,” Nina said, “you look like you wanna ask me something, so go ahead.  Just ask me.”

 

I gulped.  I was nervous.  I couldn’t even find the right words, so I just kind of blurted it out, “Nina, I watch you with the boys and I see you all the time and I was wondering if, maybe, you’d like to, I don’t know….but, you know…”

“Are you asking me out, sugar?” Nina said.

 

“Um… yeah,” I said sheepishly.

 

“I never thought you’d ask.  Sure, we’ll give it a try.” Nina said.

I wasn’t sure about the words “give it a try,” but I guess that’s better than a no.  So we went out. And it went well. Very well, actually.

Becky came over to spend the night again.  We fooled around and wound up back in the bedroom rehashing old times.  It was in the morning during breakfast that she hit me with the news that she was pregnant.  I was pretty upset in that moment and I just reacted.

“What do you mean you’re pregnant,” I said.

“Well, what do you think I mean,” she said.  “Apparently, it happened.  Now what?”

“Now what?  Now what?  I’ll tell you what, Becky, you tried to make this happen in high school, but I didn’t fall for it.  Now, you just appear out of nowhere, come back into my life, and now you’re pregnant.  It’s what you’ve been trying to do forever, Becky.  Trying to lock down a guy by getting pregnant.  I swear to Christ!  You told me you were taking birth control!!”

“I am taking birth control.  But, why is this my fault?  You were there too, right?  I don’t remember you worrying about this when you took me upstairs to your room.  It takes two people to make a kid.  And I haven’t been trying to “lock down” anyone.  You’re an ass, you know that?  I don’t why I ever thought it would be a good idea to come back and see you again,” Becky said in a huff.

“Neither do I!” I said as I walked out of the room.

Later that day, I sat her down in the reading room and tried to apologize for flying off the handle.  I was wrong.  I was completely wrong.  Whatever happens from here on out, I have to just man up and be the best father I can to the kid.

But the conversation didn’t go too well.  In fact, she went off.

“You think I want to be pregnant?  Hell no, Sergio.  I don’t even know what to do!  I’m not ready for this” She screamed.

“I didn’t plan on this either, Becky,” I said.

“And I thought you, of all people, would actually fucking care,” she said.

“I do care!  What the hell are you on about?  I care a lot!  It’s my kid, too, you know.  You’re not in this alone,” I said trying to calm the argument down.

She seemed to get happier after that.  At least she stopped arguing at any rate.  Then she left.  And I didn’t see her again.  No phone calls…

…no texts, no emails.  Just me wandering around home and work worried about her and the child.

Everything I did reminded me of the fact she was carrying my child.  Our child.  A child that I helped make.  Whatever it should be called.

A few months later I came home from work and found this….

What the hell?  There was a note pinned to the crib.

I can’t do this.  I’m not ready for kids.  I’m moving back to New York.  Meet your sons Diego and Antonio. Take care of them – Becky.

There’s two?  Oh shit, now what?

What the hell am I going to do with two kids?

Mom?  Dad?  If you can hear me from wherever you’re at, tell me how to do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I bought a house in Brindleton Bay.  It was a big house.  The kind of house I’d have bought for mom and dad to come live with me.  Maybe it’s a bit much with its five bedrooms, but you never know where life’ll take you, I guess.

I spent the first few days just doing my normal routine.  Working out…

…doing chores…

…and watching B movies.  It wasn’t the most exciting life, but sometimes the best thing you can hope for is simple and quiet.  Things get very complicated the more noise you have going on around you.  Better to just relax and take a load off.

Major-league relaxing.  After graduating and moving and all the emotions that were swarming over me having finally moved to Brindleton Bay, I just needed to get myself into a zone; some place where I was at peace and relaxed.  And I tried everything…

…everything.

It was hard to relax, though.  Winter was in full swing and before I even felt at home in the new place, Winterfest and rolled in and I was not prepared for it.  I woke up Winterfest morning and all the memories of mom and dad and opening presents and big dinners just filled my thoughts.

So I decided to dedicate my time to decorating for the holiday.  Though, to be honest, I should have decorated the day before.  A blizzard was moving in and man was it cold outside.  Still, the house looks nice.  Dad would’ve been proud.  He would’ve been standing at the edge of the drive way says, “Ah, sonny boy.  You made the house look good.  No doubt learned it after watchin’ your old man all these years.”

I decided to cook a grand meal….

…and I ate it alone…

I decided to hit up the Salty Paw to get out of the house and try to get some holiday cheer.  Cooking a big meal for only yourself was not what Winterfest should be about.

While down at the Salty Paw, I ran into none other than Father Winter himself….

…we talked about the blizzard that was raging outside, then he started singing some Winterfest songs and we all joined in.  It was amazing.  It was just what I needed to bring my happiness up to a level I hadn’t had in a long time.  Then he called me over to the side…

“Sergio,” he said in his cheery voice, “a little something from me to you.  Just a little present to wish you a very happy day.”

“Thanks!” I said with excitement as I opened it.  “A Crystal Clear Camera!  Aww YIBS!”

Then I decided it was time to go.  The weather was getting bad.  I didn’t want to get caught at a bar all night long with Father Winter and a ghost.

The next day, I had a surprise visitor…

…Becky Radnor.  She was the girl I lost my virginity to in high school.  She was a cheerleader and I was on the soccer team.  One day after the Homecoming Game, we had a little too much to drink and, well, let me just say that a little WooHoo in a bush is uncomfortable but exciting.

We’d lost touch after we graduated.  She went off to New York to study art while I hung around here.  I heard she was dating some businessman from Manhattan, but that ended after he decided that he preferred foreign brides to local ones.  She left New York and last I heard she had moved out to the West Coast.  I never expected to see her again, let alone knocking at my front door at 8 in the morning.

We went down to the Salty Paw to hang out and we talked about old time and how she’d decided to come back home because she needed to get back to her roots.  She told me that she needed to be able to find herself again.  I have no idea what she was looking to find by coming back to this part of the world, but I hope she finds it.  She’s a good girl even though she’s also been a little flighty.

After the Paw, we went back to my place.  And I don’t know what happened.  Maybe it was the drinks….

…but it felt like old times again.  There was a connection.  Like two people who were supposed to be in each other’s lives in this moment.  No idea why I got that feeling….

….but to say that we hit it off didn’t, in the least, begin to describe what was happening…

… and it happened quickly.  It was intense.  It was overpowering….

…it was amazing….

..and… oh shit.